I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I love having hate sex.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
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You. Win. At. Life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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