I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
