i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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