i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
