My first STD was from a foam party
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
