i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
