I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
