idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
