She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
