You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
