I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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