I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize