out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
