pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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