is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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