Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i've created a new STD.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
