dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
