i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
