I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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