$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
