His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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