Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So vagazzling was a success
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
