someone threw a dead crab at me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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