Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
