I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
