why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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