Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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