dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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