I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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