I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
