Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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