I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
