Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
