Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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