I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
