And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
