she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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