I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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