every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pooping to opera.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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