it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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