You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
