I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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