i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize