one two three fourrrrnication!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
