need another drink. this is the easiest way
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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