Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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