Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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