Apparently you make a good broom.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
