My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
