who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
