kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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