I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize