there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
