But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My feet surprised me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
