College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize