South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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