I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
