Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
try to milk me bitch
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