Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
