I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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