so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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