I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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