he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
