She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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