I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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