She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
