I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
