I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
