Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
