I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I love you. Go after that dick
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize