So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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