You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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