dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
