Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
