I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
