grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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