I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
