I hate all girls vehemently.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
