Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
