Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
