he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
