Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize