did you get engaged???
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize