Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
