For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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