I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
