every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
