need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize