Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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