Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize